Uninstall Firefox because it is garbage software.

Here is why:

1. RAM Leaks

Over two hundred megabytes of memory for a browser is completely unacceptable.

Firefox is marijuana to an operating system. When Firefox is running, your computer loses its memory, you can't trust its behavior anymore, it goes into sleep mode randomly, and its' sperm count goes down. That is a fact. Money shots on Firefox are, on average, half as big as when watched on IE or Safari.

2. Automatic Updates
When you install Firefox, you're not given the option to get automatic updates. It does it automatically. It automatically installs the automatic updates. That's too much automaticness for me to tolerate.

Firefox bothers you with frequent messages about updating. And you rarely have a choice. It does it all automatically.

Maybe they should just make a feature that automatically browses the internet for you. It opens when it wants, goes to random sites, and closes. And you just have to live with it until you get so pissed off that you have to dig through options to try to toggle it off. Not only that, but it's a privacy issue. Any software that defaults to automatic updates probably has an agenda and should not be trusted.

4. Anal Sex
Every time I watch anal porn on Firefox, I feel guilty. I don't know if it's the browser or the content. I don't know, I don't care. Firefox sucks.

5. Choppy Video
When I fullscreen a long flash movie in FF, it runs at 20 frames per second at best. That is unacceptable. And full-length movies barely run at all. Here is an example. I loaded a movie in flash and created an animated image of how choppy it is: Watch it here:

Shitty. Right? That's because the frame rate is so slow that it actually converted itself from a flash movie to a jpeg file where none of the buttons work and it's basically a heaping pile of useless static data.

The only way to successfully watch a movie on Firefox browser would be to press play and hope that an electrical storm occurs above your house and fucks up your monitor so that the exact pixels and sound from the movie are uncannily displayed on the screen by freak probability.

And it's not a video card problem. If I load a full-screen flash in any version of Internet Explorer, it runs perfectly. The other day I tiled forty windows of a girl painting her ass orange and spanking herself with a cow husk. It ran excellent. Firefox has a shitty, inefficient code written by unpaid volunteer retarded hacker wannabes.

5. The Name
Firefox. It sounds like a failed video game, like a sequel to Starfox. Like if Starfox played with matches as a kid. Starfox was a piece of shit game. A bunch of colored cubes shooting smaller colored cubes at giant colored cubes while dodging oddly shaped colored cubes that are supposed to resemble buildings. Then you have Mozilla, the bastard idiot step-brother of Godzilla, crawling around on top of the colored cube buildings while Firefox is fumbling with controls and behaving generally retardedly. It's a stupid concept, I hate it. What a waste of time.

6. Tabbed Browsing
The one acclaimed perk of Firefox is the ability to load new windows in a bar at the top of the screen instead of the task bar. You don't need Firefox to do this. Tabbed browsing has been around since Windows 95. Here is how -


 

6. Bogus Fullscreen Mode
Last year I got pissed and hit my keyboard because somebody talked shit. It fullscreened Firefox. I couldn't get out of it no matter what I did. Right now the computer is still sitting in the corner of my room, full screened as the day I tossed it there. I had to give up and buy a new computer. I'm hoping one day I'll start dating a chick who can fix it.

Firefox's full screen mode is impossible to get out of. There's no buttons or anything. You have to press F-11. What is that shit. It's a browser window, I'm not playing Battleship. Houdini couldn't get out of Firefox's full screen mode. It's bullshit and I want my money back, plus interest, plus emotional damage, plus restitution because I guarantee that somewhere down the line, the geeks who puked out the code for Firefox killed one of my ancestors with their stupidity.

To hell with Firefox. Stop supporting the degradation of quality in the world. Here is a list of alternative browsers to use:

- Anything else.

April 3rd, 2008

 
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