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Would you rather get fucked in the ass by a fat Chinese lady or get a Twitter account?

I joined a fat lady in a hot tub at the gym at like 12am. We weren't saying anything. We sat in the hot tub next to each other for at least forty five minutes without saying a word.

Sitting next to her, I got to thinking - Why is it that hot tubs always have a fat person in them? Especially at gyms. Every gym in America has a fat person in the hot tub at all hours of the day.

Then I got to thinking - Would I rather get fucked in the ass by a fat lady in a hot tub or make a Twitter account?

Then I got to thinking - Is it even possible for a fat lady to fuck me in the ass? With a strap-on. Right? And this whole time I couldn't believe this fat lady was actually considering fucking me in the ass with a strap-on. It was a terribly unnerving thought. What a creepy perverted ass-fucking Chinese fat lady in the hot tub with me. It was awful. I puked a little bit into my mouth and dunked my head and I spat the puke out into the hot tub and quickly swished it away towards the filter area and the fat lady didn't even notice. She was busy with her sick twisted fantasies about me.

Then I got to thinking - Is this what hot girls are thinking when they're alone in a hot tub with me? Because when I'm alone in a hot tub with a hot girls, all I can think is - "Wow, I sure want to fuck that girl in the ass with a strap-on." It's a strange social dynamic. Because I know what I'm thinking. And I'm pretty sure the girl knows what I'm thinking. But I don't want the girl knowing for sure what I'm thinking. So I try to act like I'm not thinking it by humming non-chalantly and pretending to be relaxed. When we both know that she's thinking - "I would most definitely rather have a Twitter account than get fucked in the ass with a strap-on by this big hairy creepy Jew who's website I've never heard of." Because they'd rather I fuck them normally than with a strap-on. Which logically checks out in my world view.

These thoughts got me all fired up. And when I got out of the hot tub, I had a gaping erection. The fat Chinese lady actually looked up at me and grinned. I was so defeated. Immediately when I got home, I started a Twitter account. Add me or follow me or whatever. http://www.twitter.com/thilosavage

December 19th, 2009

 
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