When a man pays his hard earned dollars so that blind people can find their way out of libraries, you know it's time to start murdering cripples.
I went to the library to pick out a new self help book. While I was waiting for the elevator doors to open, some braille dots caught my eye next to the buttons on the wall. The first thing that occured to me was "What are blind people doing in a library?" This made me think, and as my anger and frusteration increased, I came to the conclusion that even if blind people had a use for a library, having braille on an elevator is redundant because there are only two buttons - up and down. Instead of feeling twenty little metal beads, blind people just have to feel for a couple giant dots. What a waste of tax money.
Thinking further about how much people like Hellen Keller piss me off, I got an idea to get back at all the disgruntled handicapped folk who petitioned the government to use my money and put braille everywhere. I went back into the library to pick up a braille handbook. After studying it for a bit and writing down some notes, I headed to the hardware store to buy a file and some epoxy.
Returning to the same elevator, I removed the notes from my pocket and began editing the dots to say rude messages. It's going to be so funny when a blind guy reads them. I wish I could be there.
Anyway, back to Hellen Keller: What an overrated story. So she learned to communicate with people. So what? I could do that when I was 4. I probably had better communication skills in kindergarden than she had at age 50. In fact, I bet I am faster, more athletically adept, and better at distinguishing colors than ANY blind person. Why aren't I famous? Why don't I have plays made out of my life? I damn well should.
A class required me to see the play "Hellen Keller." It was hilarious, I couldn't stop laughing. About half way through I realized it wasn't a comedy because nobody else found it funny. I did. To me, comedy doesn't get much better than watching a nanny cheap shot a blind, deaf, and mute girl. Unfortunately, later in the play, Helen and the nanny became friends. That ticked me off. Any time ruthless archenemies start playing grab-ass, it's nap time. The play could have been much better. If I wrote the script, it would go like this:
Hellen Killer
Scene 1Mother: (hires Angry Nanny Ninjapirate to take care of Hellen)
Angry Nanny Ninjapirate: Hellen, what is the integral of e^(cos x)?
Hellen: (grabs cup and throws it on the ground) Waah, boohoo.
Angry Nanny Ninjapirate: No. (*SLAP*, *SLAP*, *SLAP*, *SLAP*, *SLAP*, *SLA..)
Mother: (runs in screaming) What are you doing to my baby?
Angry Nanny Ninjapirate: Well ma'am, it turns out that your baby is a whining bitch. (kicks mother in the face and jackhammers Hellen in the teeth)
Angry Nanny Ninjapirate: (drinks what's left of his rum, walks out into the audience and stabs people until the theatre clears out)
The End.
blind people read this page and got offended.