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I am declaring war on cheese.
2/05/08
What guys look for in a woman.
1/23/08
Friends don't let friends put pictures
of friends in frames that say Friends.
1/18/08
Faces that make relatives not want to talk to you.
12/22/07
Don't bother with karma. Your next incarnation is an asshole.
12/17/07
Beward of global and/or local warming and/or cooling.
12/14/07
Who actually dresses up for halloween?
halloween/07
Something must be done about Jews.
9/8/07
Where are all the sexible girls?
8/15/07
Aspects of WalMart that should change.
8/11/07
Harry Potter fans are corrupt and unpatriotic.
7/21/07
Weapons on airplanes should be mandatory.
6/7/07
Finally a game that actually does cause school shootings.
6/1/07
What kind of beer do nerds drink?
5/12/07
When is it time to buy a new computer?
4/21/07
February needs a new astrological sign.
2/8/07
The shitty truth about girls and assholes.
1/4/07
Things I hate about Christmas.
12/24/06
How to say, "I love you" to a girl.
11/4/06
A solution to America's gas prices.
10/14/06
A really contrived update.
10/7/06
I would rather drink period blood than have vodka and cranberry juice.
10/6/06
I wanna bang Ann Coulter.
9/17/06
Movie Review: Snakes on a Plane.
8/29/06
Top 10 funniest moments in Beer Fest.
8/25/06
Emo is marvelous, so shut up.
5/11/06
Being homeless isn't so bad
5/8/06
Where am I going to sleep?
4/28/06
Tool sold out!
4/25/06
Why do we dump gue on our heads?
4/22/06
I am un unaborted fetus (new hate mail).
4/16/06
The Life cycle of a Human Being
4/9/06
Whats with airplane food?..
4/2/06
There are better things to
do than play Counterstrike..
3/21/06
News: I'm quitting this website.
2/25/06
A million boobs.
2/21/06
A guide on how to properly name files.
2/15/06
How to spot a pedophile.
2/10/06
Tila Tequila should be shaved, ball gagged and bound in a safe.
2/3/06
I hate technology. Let's all be apes.
1/25/06
Conan O'Brien swindled my goods.
1/22/06
Girls that look like animals.
1/22/06
Maddox's interview with me.
12/13/05
Reasons people wear band shirts.
12/3/05
Bam Margera needs to shut up.
12/3/05
There's a seven year old killer on the loose.
11/29/05
Hatemail from a self-proclaimed representative of Canada.
11/23/05
Tetris is very sexual game.
11/18/05
Urinating during sex is only gross when the woman does it.
11/8/05
I've decided to be a comedian.
10/31/05
The difference between Canada and the United States.
10/22/05
The Official Comedy Cartoon Ranking List Thing.
10/4/05
Margret Cho is the worst comedian ever.
9/18/05
Guys who like virgins are bad in bed..
9/14/05
How to prepare for college.
8/23/05
This is not an article about Harry Potter.
8/4/05
I've lost it.
7/29/05
Movie stores need a "shitty" section.
7/18/05
Top 10 reasons to not get high.
7/8/05
How to be really really annoying at a poker table.
7/2/05
Aliens are trying to communicate with me.
6/30/05
Proof that people who use Myspace are dickheads.
6/22/05
Review of Revenge of the Sith.
6/21/05
Feminist bumper stickers I don't really understand..
6/20/05
Dildolicking. And other ways to ruin a porno.
6/14/05
Carmen Diaz article from a while ago.
5/19/05
Buy acupuncture, get one tattoo free.
5/11/05
Montana sucks.
4/24/05
Now is our chance to become Popes.
4/15/05
Awesome illusions that aren't of elephants.
4/10/05
Example of when not to be sarcastic.
4/4/05
Don't watch Sideways, even if you aren't an impressionable idiot.
3/22/05
How come car insurance policies cover every car but our own?
3/18/05
Am I the next to be "discovered?"
3/15/05
Stop listening to music and be miserable like the rest of us.
3/07/05
Sometimes I wish I were gay.
2/25/05
Jon Heder (Napoleon Dynamite) died in a car wreck.
2/14/05
This is how horny grommets "stumble" upon my site.
2/13/05
Stop saying, "We Scored." You are not a New England Patriot. "They" scored, not you.
2/06/05
My psychiatrist is a hypocritical mass of bitch.
2/04/05
How to argue properly.
1/30/05
Explanation for the bird.
1/24/05
Bands that suck at being Iron Maiden
1/21/05
Underjoggle (thats what im talkin about.)
1/15/05
Useless observations of REALITY.
12/31/04
Nope, the thought didn't count. Try harder next year.
12/25/04
Game reviews.
12/17/04
iPods are a trendy and expensive cry for approval.
12/5/04
How to hide porno like a champ.
11/19/04
Nice special effects, but why is a pack of wolves in New York City?
11/16/04
Who's got the Monopoly now?
11/9/04
I got so voted before I drunk.
11/3/04
Don't say Republicans are stupid. Give them a camcorder and they'll prove it themselves.
11/1/04
Ashlee Simpson would like to personally thank the internet for making her famous.
10/26/04
Who would win in a fight: Captain Crunch, Captain Morgan, or Captain Jack Sparrow?
10/21/04
How to get girls, and other expert dating advice.
10/14/04
Song of the week: Our Lady Peace - Superman's Dead.
10/14/04
Don't vote! Because it would be really funny if nobody voted.
10/10/220
Calling me unoriginal is about the most unoriginal thing you can say (shitload of new hate mail).
9/30/04
Kitten eating a sasquatch eating a kitten.
9/24/04
Websense, pick on someone your own size.
9/23/04
Help me exploit Alexa and be a winner.
9/18/04
Another stupid page that has nothing to do with anything.
9/16/04
The Time is near for a revolution.
9/14/04
Views on politics and stuff.
9/12/04
Seattle sucks. The Pixies suck. You suck.
9/08/04
Masturbating on vacation is some tricky shit.
8/26/04
Volkswagen Jettas are the biggest German disaster since the Hindenburg.
8/13/04
Thilo for President in 2028.
8/9/04
Stop driving like a maniac. Nobody is impressed.
8/3/04
Nonsense.
7/27/04
List of dirty restaurants that are built over rivers.
7/21/04
Top 10 reasons why this is the worst article.
7/16/04
Anime can make disgusting things look cute.
7/10/04
Fung shui is neurotic and delusional.
7/7/04
High school graduation licks balls.
6/12/04
Tribute to goatse.
6/7/04
If you're rich, you don't get ditched.
5/28/04
Makeup sex is awesome.
5/18/04
Hey fuckers, someone buy my laptop.
5/17/04
Question for males: would you rather lick my balls or read my site? (new hate mail)
5/15/04
How convincing are the tortured Iraqi pictures?
5/10/04
How to lower the cost of your site's bandwidth.
5/7/04
Free dream interpretations.
5/4/04
If you aren't racist, you're a pussy (new hate mail).
4/28/04
You are not "random." Shut the hell up.
4/26/04
I found the biggest Maddox ripoff, ever.
4/22/04
My hot pocket.
4/20/04
How the dinosaurs became extinct.
4/19/04
Hemp is officially reserved for dirty greaseball maggots.
4/16/04
Bowling gets X/Treme.
4/12/04
Miss Virginia wants a piece of me (new hate mail).
4/8/04
Example of how not to build a ferret.
4/6/04
Maynard James Keenan did it all for Yoo-hoo.
4/5/04
Build your own ferret.
3/25/04
An experience with my corrupt, small town government.
3/22/04
You like having fun? Me too! We must be made for eachother.
3/2/04
Who is more rebellious, Good Charlotte or GG Allin?
2/28/04
Take this test to see how sensitive you are.
2/22/04
Sasquatch eating a kitten.
2/17/04
How farmers can boost profit by giving cancer to cows.
2/15/04
What to get your girlfriend for Valentines Day.
2/10/04
Pads are for pussies. Play rugby.
2/7/04
Janet Jackson's sudden career change.
2/3/04
How to be an asshole during the Super bowl.
2/1/04
If you have to try to be smart, you aren't.
1/28/04
How to survive the apocalypse.
1/25/04
Yoga blows ass.
1/22/04
How cool is masturbating in public?
1/19/04
Stupid me, the Mars buggy also has a metal detector (new hate mail).
1/16/04
I hate niggers.
1/14/04
Weed is great; the people who smoke it aren't.
1/11/04
News Flash! Mars is still arid and boring.
1/7/04
The Humane Society of the US spent $20,000,000 to kill a fish.
1/5/04
Jealous of my awesome Marzipan audition? It's okay, I would be too (new hate mail).
1/2/04
New Years Resolutions you'd love to make.
12/28/03
Christmas.
12/22/03
My drum tryout with Marzipan.
12/20/03
I got a fanmail!
12/15/03
Go ahead, unscrew the salt shaker lid, I dare you.
12/15/03
Game reviews.
12/13/03
Kissing a non-smoker is like licking a rotten potato.
12/11/03
Need some extra cash? Torch your home.
12/8/03
My big contribution to the math world.
12/4/03
Abortion doesn't kill people, unaborted babies kill people.
12/2/03
I am one funny (looking) guy.
11/30/03
No way, a teenage girl did NOT just cry!
11/25/03
Braille: Helping blind people out of libraries.
11/24/03
Restaurant pranking stories.
11/23/03
Dammit.. twenty seven turkeys, dead!
11/20/03
Utilikilts / get your freedom today, starting at $115.
11/18/03
God damn hackers.
11/17/03
My reponse to wood pushers who sent me sk/hate mail.
11/13/03
I want to kill myself.
11/12/03
Here is the documentation of all the girls I've scrogged.
11/8/03
Is Jesus coming?
11/5/03
Six black men hand Eminem his ass on a platter.
11/3/03
Candy is outdated, give children drugs and beer.
11/1/03
Songs to not play on the piano.
10/30/03
Stuff that doesn't belong in the bathroom.
10/18/03
Things you never knew about your spleen.
10/16/03
Ninjas of the Carribean.
09/20/03
Which is more inefficient, 28.8k modems or skateboarding?
09/13/03
Contrasting data concerning Ninjas and Pirates.
08/29/03
A FanPage - a trashy fan site i was bribed into linking to
thilosavage(at)gmail.com