I wrote a page about how skateboarding is a joke. Here are some emails from people trying to defend their pathetic excuse for a sport.
From: ***** ******
To: thilo@ninjapirate.com ; thilo@ninjapirate.com
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2003 12:39 PM
Subject: anti Sk-Hate mail
Hey you sure do seem to know a lot about skating. I know you used to skate. You're just a fag who's all ass-hurt about the fact that he cant skate. Oh well if you want to hate skating, thats fine by me. You can have your own opinions about anything. But unless you skate, or used to skate, you stating how much skateboarding sucks just makes you a prejudice little bitch. And if what you claim about all skate videos being CGI graphics is true, than i must be pretty damn good because my friends and i make skate videos, and i dont even know how to use CGI. Complaining will get you nowhere. Look for the good in things. Skating is the reason I've never tried drugs, or joined a gang, or ever criticized anyone on the sports they do. SKATE ON!
Drugs and gangs kick ass. Sissy.
From: "Poser 2" <thepozah22@hotmail.com>
To: thilo@ninjapirate.com
Subject: get a life.
Date: Sun, 09 Nov 2003 02:43:35 +1300
Ninjapirate, you're a f**king idiot, and a geek, the sooner you realise this, the better. you're still angry about falling flat on your face when you first stepped on a skateboard and you think anallysing frames of a small skate clip is revenge enough for your self inflicted misfortunes on a skateboard?
take a look at yourself you c**t. nothing better to do than falsely critisize skateboarders through a web page over the net, my god.
life. get one.
You're right, I tried skating once and fell on my face. Just kidding, I hardflipped a 5-stair with my eyes closed and without shoes on. Then I ollied into the air and just stayed there. I hovered about 4 feet above the ground for about 10 minutes until I convinced all my skateboarding poser friends how easy it was.
I think this guy is a pro skater, I've heard of him before.
From : "k campbell" <tac943@hotmail.com>
To : thilo@ninjapirate.com
Subject : skateboarding
Date : Fri, 14 Nov 2003 10:15:59 +1100
To Ninjapirate
Have you ever tried to skateboard? I think you have and it is you that cannot land any tricks.
I have lots of friends including myself that are making a living in skateboarding and filming and making skateboarding videos, and there is a lot of money in it for those people that can perform the tricks that you believe are special effects and it takes a lot of hard work not like sitting front of a computer and criticising other people.
I think you need to get out more and maybe find some friends, and stop playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater.
All the things you say in your piece make me (and i am sure i am not the only one) feel that you are a bad skater or you are a homosexual that likes hanging around and watching skateboarders.
"Skateboarding scores a whopping 0% on the efficiency-o-meter.
0 skateboarders got furious when they realized I'm right. "
YOUR WEBSITE scores a whopping 0% on the efficiency-o-meter.
0 people take you seriously.
I'm not sure about this, but I believe that to write all that bullshit, you must have taken me pretty damn seriously, therefore I get at least a 1% on the efficiency-o-meter. That is way better than skateboarding. In fact, I guarantee that more people enjoy my webpage than skaters have landed tricks.
| Efficiency-o-meter | ||
| Gravity: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 100% |
| Gasoline Engine | |||||||||||||||||||||| | 80% |
| Ninjapirate.com: | | | 1% |
| Plutonium Ion: | . | 0.003% |
| Skateboarding: | 0% | |
I hope that clears up any misunderstandings my previous article may have caused.
From "from the UoW Library" <library@uow.edu.au>
To : <thilo@ninjapirate.com>
Subject : hey cockhead.
Date : Fri, 14 Nov 2003 15:50:28 +1100
what the fuck are you on about? skateboard vids are animaed and not real. i think that you need to go see someone. what use id there making a website that is talking absolute nonsence. you sound like a cock sucking fool who touches kids. go and fuck yourself and get a life.
I think what you're trying to say here is that skateboard vids are animated and not real. I couldn't agree more.
However, what I don't understand is... if I'm into little kids, why would I need to go fuck myself? You know, if I had little kids, I wouldn't need to fuck myself because I'd have the little kids. See what I'm saying? If Michael Jackson doesn't have to wank himself, neither should I.
With all this hatemail I've been getting, I decided to make another list of tricks - these aren't for skateboarders, but for people who can't stand the punk wood pushers.
|
Trick Name |
Description |
Difficulty |
| Backside Shove-it | Cheap shot a skater by waiting until his back is turned and pushing him onto the ground. | 5 |
| Impossible | Make terrain impossible to skate on by dumping gravel on it. | 5 |
| Finger Flip | Give a skater the old fashioned flying phalange. | 2 |
| Hit the Deck! | Run up and break a skater's board in half by stomping on it. | 2 |
| Splinter Slide | Try to ride around on a skateboard you intentionally broke. This works well after a Hit the Deck. | 9 |
| Eat This! | Run into an occupied halfpipe and start breakdancing. This will make all the skaters feel stupid and pathetic. If you're a loser and don't know how to breakdance, subsitute it for an activity that's better than skateboarding (pretty much anything). | 8 |
| Girlfriend Grind | After an Eat This!, all the skaters' girlfriends will think you're the shit. Walk up to the hottest one and fuck her brains out. | 8 |
| Axle Stall | When you're driving in your car and a skater's board rolls out into the road, floor the gas and run over it. The broken deck will hang nicely from your axle. | 4 |
| Glue Slide | Spread strong adhesive on sturdy, smooth rails. | 2 |
| Mock Walk | Behaving like a retard, strut by a bunch of skaters and pretend to push an invisible skateboard. Say things like, "Derr look at me, I kick bark around, derrr." | 7 |
That should do for a few days of fun. Good luck anti-skaters.
More of my awesome responses to emails:
people find skateboarding more fun than pissing off skateboarders