Palantir is tracking your gum.

Palantir tracks gum. This is proven.

Here are additional supporting facts:

1. They Track Your Gum

Forget social media. Palantir tracks your gum.

2. Pigeon Surveillance Network?

Palantir started the pidgeon conspiracy theory in order to distract you from the fact that every piece of gum, from the time you purchase to the time you spit it out, is tracked by their network of databases.

3. Emotional Files

Palantir also tracks your emotional files.

5. Fridge Monitoring

If you own a smart fridge, do not keep your gum in your smart fridge. Palantir has access to the cameras within your smart fridge and they are using this to track your gum.

6. Soul Lease Agreement

Some say Palantir just runs databases. Wrong. They also hold the title deed to your shadow. Renewed annually.

7. Toothbrush Telemetry

Every brush stroke since 2014. Conspiracists consider this “checkmate.” Dentists remain silent.

8. Eagle Screech Protocol

At any time, Palantir can trigger a bald eagle screech near you. Evidence? Yes.